Happy Friday! Today, I am sharing a few highlights of my week and some things on my heart on this Good Friday.
Monday, I was able to babysit for a new friend and it was a lovely day to take a walk and see all the azaleas in bloom.
Tuesday was work and I got a massage afterwards. This is a monthly self care activity I do for myself!
I worked Wednesday morning from home then took one of my greats on her birthday lunch/shopping date. She turns 4 on Saturday and is such a joy! The store clerk referred to me a few times as her grandmother :).
Thursday, I worked and went to a church dinner/Maundy Thursday service. This is a service that remembers the Last Supper.
Today, I want to share a few things on my heart.
March was a month of some reflections for me. Like I mentioned this week, lonely sums up my month. It sums up 2026. The ice storm was really hard on me going so many days without seeing people. Readjusting to not having friends to hang out with on the weekends has been hard. Eating 99% of my meals alone is a reality. Going to bed alone and waking up alone is a reality. Supporting myself is a reality. I don't get any financial support. Divorce is hard and there are so many layers of grief.
As I say all of these things are true, I also want to share that in my alone times, I am not always sad. Yes, often I am sad because I long to have a partner. I feel complete and whole without someone, but I do miss having someone to share life. I wanted to share here that when I state I am lonely, that is a true feeling, however, it is not always a sad lonely. Sometimes, it is just truly being alone & being okay with that.
I am so grateful for all your support, encouragement and prayers over the last 3 years on this blog. I still need them going forward, but I want to also share here I have hope. Even though my dreams with my former spouse won't happen, I can still have those dreams on my own or with someone new. Sometimes, I may skip over relationship posts, because I honestly just can't relate to that anymore. Maybe one day I will and maybe not, I don't know, but I do know that I am okay in my loneliness. I am okay to feel sad with it at times and I am okay to be content with it. Sometimes, it is really nice to not have to consider anyone else. I often enjoy the time at home and other times, I need a change of scenery and need to take a drive, go get yogurt, or just run errands. Winter is hard, so I am glad it is spring. With spring, I have so many exciting things happening! Would I rather still be married? Yes. Would I rather still be able to stay in my house or buy a new house? Yes. But, I am trying each day to face life with excitement for what is to come. Thanks for being on this journey with me as my friends.
It seemed like Good Friday was a time to share about my lonely feelings in a week where Jesus experienced so many feelings of suffering, loneliness and betrayal. The past 3 years, I have gone out of town for Easter to get away. This year, I will stay at home and go to church by myself, as I do each Sunday, however, I am so thankful for my church family. I hope that you can find a place to worship this weekend and reflect on the hope that the resurrection of Jesus brings us on this side of Heaven.
Marilyn, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. The thing about life is that it can change in a literal second. One minute you're going to church alone and the next some handsome guy is visiting said church :) You just never know what's going to take place. In the meantime, I'm thankful you have hope and Jesus and all of these children the Lord has placed in your life. He sees your heart and he knows your desires. I pray you have a really sweet Easter weekend and that some unexpected blessings come your way.
ReplyDeleteI find winter hard being cooped up at home most days too; I much prefer spring and summer where I can get outside... even if it's for a hike/walk alone it feels less lonely than sitting in the house by myself. Because even with a partner I am most often home alone.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being so honest and transparent as always. I really am so impressed by you and your strength and I believe your hope and faith will lead you to the next beautiful stage in your life XO Happy Easter my friend!
ReplyDeleteYou had a full week! Thank you for sharing from your heart today. I always heard there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. So, sometimes I hope that you are simply alone but contented. It took some major strength to get through the ice alone. I hope you have a beautiful Easter weekend - hope you are seeing your big beautiful extended family.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing what you're going through! I know of several people who are walking the same road and I know it's hard. I love that you have hope and peace in your salvation. "This side of heaven" is rough for you right now in many ways as you mentioned- the loneliness, the betrayal, etc. but you are learning how strong you are and how loved. Looking forward to seeing you soon and giving you a big hug!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your heart honestly here. I keep you in my prayers and am so glad you have your church family to celebrate with on Easter day. I'm so excited to see you soon and I'm glad you have some fun things to look forward to this spring.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you had a good week, and that you're ending it with sweet Isabella! And I'm glad you shared your heart here. I think you wrote beautifully what your life feels like right now, and what a lovely thing to be able to be content sometimes in spite of being lonely/alone. I know that this season is hard, but I'm thankful for the people you have to lean on. I love to see you filling your time with things that bring joy: church, your little greats, your friends, and even some nights that you spend on your own resting. It's all needed and will be instrumental in the healing that will take place for years to come. I'm in that same boat, as you know. Every little thing helps bring about healing in my life, too. I love you, friend. xoxo
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you had a busy week. Aww! How lovely to babysit for a new friend and I love the idea of a massage every month.
ReplyDeleteSending love and hugs. Thank you for sharing how you are feeling. So sorry you have been so lonely but I am glad all the alone time isn't always sad for you.
Your strength is truly admirable. I'm so sorry that you've had such a tough time but I'm sure your honesty here is such a blessing to so many others who are going through something similar. As always, you are in my prayers. <3
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